Thursday, July 21, 2011

Stay Strong.

hey hi everyone. Another big thing just happened. i heard that person who was  a big part of my dreams say that he doesnt want to talk to me. for no fucking reason. so instead of crying like an idiot and every other girl and posting status about break up and stuff all i am gonna do is write this one thing.
I cant let anyone treat me like shit. So yeaaa i am over it though that fuck just happened like a few minutes ago but guess what, i cant let nothing change who I am. I will always be who I am. and i got bigger dreams to follow. so yeaa i gotta go now and do some photography.
byee everyone, stay strong!!!

P.S i am so PROUD of myself, i didnt shed a  single tear. oooh n by the way,  anyone whos having a break up, listen to this song, its awesome x)

ooh and there are two main lessons for today. Music is the best psychatrist. and Dont Let Anyone Treat You Like Shit. ;) \m/ keep rocking, adios amigos!

Friday, July 8, 2011

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

keep struggling, one day you will fulfill your dream; your hearts desire will be complete.

"It is said that the darkest hour of the night comes just before dawn."- Paulo Coelho.

The statement I have quoted above is yet another of my believes. Its soemthing I have come to believe via my experiences in life. Paulo Coelho is an inspiration to me and every now and then during my struggle to achieve my dreams, I encounter obstacles mostly in the form of pessimist human beings and a few days ago, on 1st of July I faced the one of the most powerful among them. It upset me greatly and I surrendered unconditionally, I gave up temporarily, thinking I will arise after 3 years. But then again, as Paulo Coelho once said
"Life is too short, or too long, for me to allow myself the luxury of living it so badly."
I decided to continue, to struggle harder. Even though for a time being, I had surrendered, I had even considered committing suicide quite  a few times and as those days of misery passed by, today at dawn I found  a ray of hope.

Thats when I began to believe in the statement I have quoted at the very beginning of this entry. Just when I was about to permanently give up on my dream, thinking its bad, thinking its wrong, thinking the way those pessimists do, I found my answer. I was finally able to make my decision.
"waiting hurts. forgetting hurts. but not knowing which decision to take is the worst of suffering." and now that worst kind of suffering, is over, atleast for a time being. 

Now, the secret of my relief from such misery, from the worst kind of suffering lies within The Conflict Theory, a theory founded by Karl Marx(1818-1883), one of the classical founders of social sciences. This theory, in Marx's words is
"The history of all hitherto existing society is the history of class struggles. Freeman and slave, patrician and plebeian, lord and serf, guild-master and journeyman, in a word, oppressor and oppressed, stood in constant opposition to one another, carried on an uninterrupted, now hidden, now open fight, a fight that each time ended, either in a revolutionary re-constitution of society at large, or in the common ruin of the contending classes."__ the Communist Manifesto(1848)
Essentially what its means is that the standard of behavior shared by a group and acceptable within it must be meaningful to the individuals within the society or they will be alienated from them and rebel against them. The same implies to me, the reasons I get from those pessimists for creating unnecessary obstacles on my way to succes are not proper reasons. As a matter of fact, they dont even give reasons!! They just want their orders to be followed without any rebel, without even asking for  a reason, which is Not acceptable to me. thus I Rebel and will continue to. and Thats what I decided after reading about The Conflict Theory. 

Friday, July 1, 2011

dont let the world change who you are.

Salam world.
Today is a big day in my life and it will always be remembered by me. Right now I am very disturbed and cant even think properly. I am trying very hard to keep control of myself but if I go around breaking things and shouting at my parents, don't be surprised.
I have always felt that I have the freedom to write what I feel, to express my opinion, to do what I want but today I am not sure of any of it. So as I write, it is a grave disappointment to say that I write "carefully", wondering what would happen if nay of my family members read it. My censor mode is on. And till I am 18, it aint going off. the rebel has surrendered. the war is over. the parents have won. children are left behind, all their feelings crushed, they are supposed to keep their thoughts to themselves even if their matters are being discussed.
But no, what goes on in my heart those wonderful thoughts and dreams can not be dumped. Yes, I am surrendering but this, my dear readers, is not a permanent surrender. I will rise again, once I am 18, I will rebel again. and that time, I wont take no for an answer. if its a  no, i will runaway from my home. I'll get a part time job and earn at least enough to support myself. I will continue to study. And I will continue to dream. no one, no force in this entire world can keep me from dreaming. and even now, I dream but I stay quiet about my dreams. from this day, I will act as robot for the next 3 years, doing what my parents say, being the perfect child. but then, once these three fucking years are over, I will rise again. I will fulfill my dreams and no one will be able to stop me.
so now, even though it might seem to you that I have surrendered, its all for  a greater cause.  I am strong and now that is the worst situation ever, I have to try my best to be strong and to stop my dreams for being crushed because once I am through this, i shall have my reward.